Baby D Makes Three

born December 27, 2012

oh yeah

oh yeah, I blog here.

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It feels like forever since I’ve blogged. I think it has been forever. It’s like Cora turned one and suddenly, there is no more energy or time to put the effort in. but that’s not what I intended. I still haven’t posted the month 12 post. Mostly because we wiped the computer and I lost my program to make the collages. I need to figure out a way to do that. The longer I’ve waited to write a post, the more daunting the task has become. So here I go. radio silence broken.

It has been a rough month for our family.  I don’t think I’ve handled it well. I’m moody and stressed. But while the month was rough, it was also beautiful and blessed. I got another promotion at work. I get to return to the team and manager I really enjoyed working with, and do the work I really enjoyed doing. For more money. I start on the 31st. We’ve spent some quality time with friends. We’ve spent quality time as a family.

Cora’s sweetness abounds. Her new favorite thing is for us to kiss phoebe. She holds her out towards our face and isn’t satisfied until we say “kiss phoebe!” and audibly plant kisses on her little face. Then she holds phoebe to her own face and gets kisses from phoebe. She also loves to share. Anything she is eating, she will extend to you for you to taste. And a couple of times this month she has come this close to getting her pacifier in my or J’s mouth. 😛 she gives hugs freely now but is still very reserved about kisses and almost never gives a kiss when asked (and the rare exceptions are for daddy – she’s only given me one kiss when I’ve asked for them).

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how did it get so late so soon?

How did it get so late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon? ― Dr. Seuss

my baby is 6 months old today. where has that time gone? I have been back at work for 1 month. where has that time gone?

I spent my entire childhood hoping time would speed up, that I would grow up faster, that I would be an adult, that my life would begin. and it seemed to take FOREVER. time moved so slowly.

then I turned 18. and I blinked. now I’m 28. I have a husband, a home, and 6 months of pure joy in a tiny baby girl package. I’m afraid if I take a nap, she’ll be 28. with a husband. and possibly a baby of her own.

I feel like I’m standing still while time rushes by me and I have my hands outstretched, desperately trying to slow it down, to grab on to the good times, and hold them tight, before they are gone.

there isn’t enough time in the day to be all things. to be a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister,  a coworker, an employee, a housekeeper, a crafter, a blogger. I’m a poor juggler. I am working towards being ok with not getting everything done every day. and focusing on being a wife and mother first. if that means I go to bed, and get up the next day, and the living room is still a mess from the night before, that’s the way it is. I’m trying to soak up all of this beautiful time with a little girl who learns, grows, and develops every day. every night as I’m getting ready for bed, utterly exhausted, and craving sleep, I think, someday, I will want this time back. and that keeps me going.

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guest post: Forest House Blog

I’m guest blogging today over at Forest House blog (go check them out). Forest House Lodge is where we got married!

Hi Forest House readers!

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My name is Kaitlin and my husband, Jason, and I married at Forest House Lodge on October 10, 2010 (10.10.10!). A little about us: I work for the state of California at CalSTRS (the California State Teachers’ Retirement System) as an Associate Analyst and Jason works for Alldata (an AutoZone company) as a Technical Editor. We have a daughter, Coraline, who was born December 27, 2012. We can’t believe she is already 5 months old. Time is flying by! I am so excited to be guest blogging for Forest House. I loved every minute of being a Forest House bride, and cherish my memories of my wedding and wedding planning.   

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 Jason and I met in September of 2008. We were introduced by coworkers; Jason’s supervisor at the time was dating one of my coworkers. We exchanged a few emails before meeting in person, but when we had our first date; it was definitely love at first sight. I remember thinking when the evening was over, ‘that was the last first date I will ever go on.’ And I was right. We quickly became inseparable and I couldn’t remember ever having such an easy, comfortable relationship before.

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Jason proposed on October 24, 2009. His proposal is just an example of why he is the perfect guy for me. Jason had suggested a trip to San Francisco for the weekend before his birthday to go see the Sea Lions, eat at Bubba Gump’s Shrimp Factory, and visit Pier 39 and Ghirardelli Square. I was very excited about this, thinking that this is how Jason wanted to celebrate his birthday (wrong) and what a perfect way to do so. Jason also suggested that on the way into the city, we take a trip to the Golden Gate Bridge lookout. As I had never been, I was looking forward to it. Jess and Kyle (Jason’s sister and brother-in-law) were supposed to go to San Francisco also, but Jessica found out that she had to work last minute (or so I thought). We got up early to drive into the city. We reached the Golden Gate Bridge lookout a little before 10 am. It was so foggy that we couldn’t even see the bridge. One other family was at the lookout,; however they left quickly, leaving us alone in the beautiful setting. Standing alone in the fog, Jason started to tell me how much he loved me and how important I am in his life. Then he dropped down to one knee and opens a jewelry box that has somehow appeared in his hands and says the magic words: “Kaitlin, will you marry me?” I didn’t hesitate at all and my happy response was “Yes!” (at least I think I answered before I grabbed the ring, but I can’t be certain). Jason did a wonderful job surprising me. I had NO idea the proposal was coming. I didn’t even understand how he could have possibly slipped away long enough to have purchased a ring for me, let alone my dream ring. The story soon came out though, and I learned that the weekend before, when Jason’s Dad, Kyle, and Jason were supposedly hauling wood to the dump, they were actually buying my ring at the mall in Sacramento. Meanwhile, I was shopping with Jessica and Jason’s mom at the mall in Roseville.

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 Our wedding was fairytale perfect and we had a fantastic time on our honeymoon in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. 🙂

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I blog over at babydmakesthree.wordpress.com. I started blogging just a few days before finding out I was pregnant with Coraline. I thought blogging would be a fun way to document the journey to becoming pregnant, not realizing I already was! I documented the pregnancy, with weekly updates, and other random posts. Since Cora’s birth, my blogging has been a little bit more sporadic, but I’m getting back in the swing of things, and I always update at least once a month with her monthly stats and pictures. So if you are interested in reading about my pregnancy, or my journey into mommy hood, head on over there.

Cora chargers Cora beach grumpy

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twentyeight

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22” – err. 28. I turned 28 two days ago.

Dear 27,

Thank you for a healthy pregnancy. Thank you for a natural labor and birth. Thank you for a healthy daughter. Thank you for motherhood. Thank you for more love. Thank you for more kisses. Thank you for more patience. Thank you for more grace. Thank you.

Dear 28,

I hope to get a little more sleep. I hope to be a better wife, a better mother. I hope to continue to find time to be silly with Cora. I hope to find balance with my time. I hope to spend alone time with my husband. I hope to have some me time. I hope to make new friends and spend more time with old ones. I hope to grow in my faith. I hope.

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the tired mother’s creed

Repeat after me:

  1. I shall not judge my house, my kid’s summer activities or my crafting skills by Pinterest’s standards.
  2. I shall not measure what I’ve accomplished today by the loads of unfolded laundry but by the assurance of deep love I’ve tickled into my kids
  3. I shall say “yes” to blanket forts and see past the chaos to the memories we’re building.
  4. I shall surprise my kids with trips to get ice cream when they’re already in their pajamas.
  5. I shall not compare myself to other mothers, but find my identity in the God who trusted me with these kids in the first place.
  6. I shall remember that a messy house at peace is better than an immaculate house tied up in knots.
  7. I shall play music loudly and teach my kids the joy of wildly uncoordinated dance.
  8. I shall remind myself that perfect is simply a street sign at the intersection of impossible and frustration in Never Never land.
  9. I shall embrace the fact that in becoming a mom I traded perfect for a house full of real.
  10. I shall promise to love this body that bore these three (well one) children – out loud, especially in front of my daughter.
  11. I shall give my other mother friends the gift of guilt-free friendship.
  12. I shall do my best to admit to my people my “unfine” moments.
  13. I shall say “sorry” when sorry is necessary.
  14. I pray God I shall never be too proud, angry or stubborn to ask for my children’s forgiveness.
  15. I shall make space in my grown up world for goofball moments with my kids.
  16. I shall love their father and make sure they know I love him.
  17. I shall model kind words – to kids and grown-ups alike.
  18. I shall not be intimidated by the inside of my minivan – this season of chip bags, goldfish crackers and discarded socks too shall pass.
  19. I shall always make time to encourage new moms.
  20. I shall not resent that last call for kisses and cups of water but remember instead that when I blink they’ll all be in college.

~ with love from one tired mother to another.

this has been floating around the interwebs. I needed it. especially 1 and 6 (and 10 – but that is a WHOLE other post). I stress A LOT when I know people are going to be at my house. A LOT. my parents’ houses were always, and still are, perfect. nothing out-of-place, no dust, or dirt in sight. I never feel like I can get the mess cleaned up and put away, and vacuumed, and dusted, and polished, and swept, and mopped, and still spend time with my baby girl. my dad is visiting this week. sorry dad, you’re in for a mess 😛

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hot mess

this weekend was a total hot mess at our house.

I ate something bad on friday. so I had stomach flu-like symptoms for most of the evening and into saturday morning.

saturday morning came around, and Cora had a runny nose, and was very congested. it was also 106 degrees by the afternoon (I meant hot mess literally). since Cora didn’t seem overly cranky, we chalked the runny nose up to the change in weather, and went to a second birthday party where Cora enjoyed splashing in the kiddie pool, and J and I melted (did I mention 106 degrees?). over the course of the afternoon, as I used more and more boogie wipes, I started to wonder if this was a cold and not weather related. but she continued to power through it with minimal crankiness.

sunday morning came with more congestion, and a little more whining, but nothing too awful. we went to church as I was scheduled to volunteer in the nursery, and Cora had fun with the few toys I handed her.

sunday afternoon is when the real hot mess hit. this is definitely her first cold. she was congested, runny-nosed, cranky, and having a harder time eating. it was also pretty obvious the teething fairy had visited at the same time. she was inconsolable. she hates having her nose wiped or suctioned, and her poor teeth are hurting her so badly. towards the evening, I started to feel like I was coming down with a cold too. my throat started hurting, and my nose started running. perfect.

it was so hard to listen to my precious, teeny, baby girl sniffle and cough on the baby monitor. and even worse to hear the whimpers throughout the night that to me say, I don’t feel good. I was up way more often than normal, retrieving her pacifier, or just going in to put my hand to her forehead to check for a fever, or to kiss her and hope that my love could magically take the sickness away.

we had a rough night to say the least, and when this morning came, Cora had a small cough and was still congested. my head feels like it’s going to explode, my throat is sore, and my nose is a faucet. J stayed home with Cora as I went to work. I felt so guilty leaving her since this is her first sickness, but I was scheduled to observe an administrative hearing this morning, and I felt I needed to do that as a refresher for my job. I’m so thankful J has a flexible job too, and can stay home with her when I’m not able to.

now I’m counting the hours until I can go home and cuddle my baby, who will hopefully be feeling better.

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Coraline’s birth story

disclaimer: this is a birth story. there are some parts that might be graphic and descriptive. also, it’s long.

I went to bed on December 26th convinced I was going to be the first pregnant woman to stay pregnant forever. this baby was never coming. I was uncomfortable to say the least and as much as I had loved the experience of being pregnant, I was ready to not be pregnant anymore. I dreamt all night that I was in labor. I dreamt how I would cope with the contractions and how labor would progress. I woke up on December 27th around 7 am with a very intense, painful contraction. immediately, I knew that this was different from the braxton hicks contractions I had been experiencing. I poured a bowl of cereal, knowing I needed to eat well before active labor set in. as the contractions got stronger, and more painful, I did the dishes, and started to pick up some things around the house, and soon realized this was not going to go as I had planned. this was not a slow build up of contractions where I could get things accomplished in between them. they were already around 5 minutes apart. the first ones were around 30 seconds long but they were growing longer quickly.

at 8 am, I knew this was not false labor, so I called J at work and told him he needed to come home. I thought about getting in the bath, but the idea of laying down, even in the tub sounded excruciatingly painful, so I got in the shower instead. when J got home he jumped in the shower as well, since we knew we would be heading to the hospital at some point that day.

I spent the next hour getting dressed and trying to relax through contractions using all of the techniques we had learned in our birthing classes. I was trying all of the positions that seemed like they would relieve some of the pain, but it was getting to be too much. the only position that really helped was standing with my arms around J’s neck and giving him some of my weight.  I even got sick from the pain. we decided to try to go for a walk at around 9:40 or 9:45 and I made it to the end of the driveway before a huge contraction stopped us and I decided I couldn’t do it.

in my plan for how I wanted to labor, it was really important to me to stay home as long as possible, because I was worried that the earlier we got to the hospital, the more impatient the doctors and nurses would become and the more interventions we would receive. but at this point, I was in far too much pain to contemplate staying at home any longer. at this point, I was feeling very discouraged with how I was handling labor. how was I going to have the pain medication-free birth experience I so wanted, if I couldn’t even handle early labor at home for more than three hours?

we left for the hospital and I had four strong contractions on the way there, on what was probably a 10 minute car ride and sitting in the car for those was excruciating. J dropped me off at the door, and I made it to a bench in the lobby before the next contraction hit. J parked the car and met me in the lobby to get me to the labor and delivery unit. at 10:08, a nurse met us at the front desk and led us to triage where I continued having strong contractions. she gave me a gown and had me go to the restroom to change. I was in so much pain I could barely get out of my clothes, let alone get into the hospital gown. at this point, I was having an emotional breakdown. I was going to have to ask for the epidural because I knew most first labors lasted anywhere from 12 to 24 hours and there was no way I was going to be able to last for that long. I was asked some admission questions including was this my first child and as soon as we said yes, I could tell the nurses were thinking, mhmm, she can’t be in that much pain. but at my next contraction, when the nurse in the area next area heard my breathing, she excused herself from her patient to hook me up to monitor my contractions. at this point, it was getting really hard to breathe through them, and J had to continue to remind me to breathe and not to hold my breath. laying in the hospital bed seemed to make the contractions stronger. my original nurse came back in the room to check my cervix for dilation and as she checks me she says “Oh my goodness!” which freaked J and I out so much. then she says “you are at a 9, let’s have this baby!” J and I were in shock at this point. no wonder I hadn’t been handling early labor well at home. I was in active labor, and possibly even in transition.

things started happening really quickly around me at this point. J called our parents to let them know that I was in labor, at the hospital and the baby would be here soon. they wheeled me in the triage bed into labor and delivery, and called dr. L. in the labor and delivery room, the nurses were preparing everything and I was just trying to wrap my head around the fact that I was so close to having this baby. J was doing an amazing job keeping me breathing and holding my hand. he kept telling me how amazing I was doing and that we were going to get to meet our daughter soon, which really helped me get through. I started feeling a lot of pressure as well as the pain, and my water broke which I thought would relieve some of the pressure but it actually made it worse. I started feeling the urge to push and the nurse told me to try a couple of practice pushes with her but then they had me stop pushing and try to pant instead of pushing. that was so hard. my body needed to push. dr. L arrived and I could finally start pushing again. at this point, dr. L needed to manually turn Cora because she was sunny side up. I can’t even tell you how excruciating that pain was, but the nurses told me later that it was really lucky for me that dr. L knew to do this, otherwise I would have pushed for hours before she was born.

I pushed through 3 contractions and she was born at 11:21 am. an hour and 13 minutes after we had arrived at the hospital. and 4 hours and 21 minutes after I realized I was in labor. when Coraline was measured and weighed, she was 6 pounds, 15 ounces, and 19.5 inches long.

Coraline was immediately placed on my stomach and I got to put my hands on her and look at her while the nurses wiped her off with a towel. J cut the cord and she was moved to my chest and covered with a warming blanket for some skin to skin time. at this point, I was a mess, crying so hard. I was just so happy to see this perfect little girl that I had dreamed about for the past 9 months finally here with me.

while Cora and I had skin to skin, dr. L delivered my placenta and stitched me up – I had needed an episiotomy during the labor.

I am so thankful that I was able to labor and deliver our baby without pain medication. I so wanted to have that experience, but I had been really anxious and scared about the pain – I had no idea what to expect. it was the most painful experience of my life. but it was also the most rewarding. all that pain had a beautiful purpose. the labor and delivery nurses commented that I must have a very high tolerance for pain, and that I was obviously made to have babies. Dr. L commented to J during the delivery that he’d better pay attention in case he needed to deliver the next one since Cora came so quickly.

we were able to have a couple of hours recovering and Cora breastfed for the first time. she is a great eater and I think the class we took and all of the information I read about breastfeeding really helped. the nurses and hospital staff came back in to do the admitting paperwork at this point since my labor was so fast, there hadn’t been enough time to admit me before hand.

J stayed right by our side the whole time we were recovering and we held our baby girl together and talked to her for the first time in the outside world. J had also brought me a present to the hospital – a pair of beautiful earrings to match a necklace he had given me for Christmas three years earlier. what an amazing husband he is.

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welcome baby

IMG_20121227_114317Coraline Jane was born on December 27th, 2012 at 11:21 am. she weighed 6 pounds 15 ounces and measured 19.5 inches at birth.

she is perfect in every way. J and I have never been more exhausted, or filled with so much happiness. it is an amazing, indescribable feeling, becoming a parent. and we are loving every moment.

I am working on writing her birth story but honestly, snuggling with her is way more fun than blogging so that is why it is taking a little longer than I had anticipated to get it done.

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updates

we had a doctor’s appointment on tuesday. it went really well, except that we had to wait an exceptionally long time to be seen. apparently it was a busy day at the office.

dr. L says she is right on track with average size and her heart, kidneys, and stomach looked good. she is in the proper birthing position. head down and facing back. I take this to mean she is already tired of being there and wants to come early 😛 dr. L said he would guesstimate a 7.5 pound baby at birth. I’m good with that. a friend told me about a friend of theirs who had an 11 pound baby last week. did.not.need.to.know.

dr. L also said to remember no one ever tells a pregnant woman that they look the right size. everyone is always going to say you are too big or too small and to remember that I’m just right. just another reason why I love our doctor.

heartburn and acid reflux have really picked up in the last couple of days. making things pretty uncomfortable around these parts.

I’ve also noticed a couple of cases of pretty serious anxiety. I’m pretty sure I had a minor panic attack in the middle of the night the other night. don’t really know what is bringing them on, but luckily, I’ve been very successful at calming myself down with some yoga breathing and positive thoughts.

J has been sick since tuesday so it’s been pretty low-key and mopey around our house. here’s hoping I don’t get the yuck too, especially since I can’t take any medicine if I do get it.

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home is where the heart is

one year ago on Halloween we received the keys garage door remotes to our first home. giddy with excitement, we ran to home depot to purchase new locks and keys since the previous owners had “lost” every key to the house. we drank champagne in our kitchen out of plastic cups. our nephew was dressed as woody for his first Halloween. we sat on the steps just inside our front door eating McDonald’s and passing out candy to trick or treaters. sitting on the disgusting carpet that we would start to rip up that weekend.

the house needed a LOT of TLC. but we saw past it’s scars and wear and tear. we saw us building a life there. we saw us raising our family there. we saw little feet racing down the stairs on Christmas morning to see what Santa has brought for them. we saw love. and laughter. we saw our home.

we spent months scrubbing, scouring, painting, laying flooring, and making it ours. we couldn’t have done it without the help of our family and friends, who were more than generous with their time and labor. months of working all day, then driving to the house to work until midnight, to go to our then home and sleep for a few hours before doing it all again. it was worth it.

one year later and every day when I drive up to the house, it still takes my breath away. it’s hard to believe this big beautiful house belongs to us, and not one of our parents. it’s hard to believe we are about to be parents. it’s hard to believe that the second to last room to be torn apart and lovingly put back together again is now a nursery with pink walls and woodland creatures. it’s hard to believe that all of the dreams I dreamt when searching for our home are coming true.

our home might not always be tidy, and sometimes I don’t take care of the dusting like I should. but we love. and we laugh. and we live there. and we await the arrival of our daughter. who will fill our home with even more joy.

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