on your birthday

dear Cora,

my sweet baby girl. on the day you were born I had hopes and dreams for your first year. I had plans and aspirations. one year ago you were born and changed my world forever. you bring so much joy, excitement, and love to our lives. you are the best thing I’ve ever done and you have the best parts of me in you. becoming a mommy was something I always wanted. becoming your mommy was more than I ever dreamed it could be. I spend whole hours marveling at my love for you. and not a day goes by I don’t thank God for letting me be your mommy. for sending you to me. for trusting me to raise you and love you.

you are my spirited, determined, strong-willed, curious girl. you can be fearless which terrifies me. you can be sweet and loving, offering hugs and snuggles freely. you can also be a terror, screaming at the top of your lungs when you don’t get your way or we have to take something away from you. I love every minute of it. honestly. even at 2 am when we are awake because of teething. I love it. I love you. I didn’t realize how much love I was capable of until you came and destroyed its boundaries.

this year we have both grown so much. when I brought you home from the hospital we were both brand new – you a newborn baby and myself a new mom. we were both exhausted and just getting by on snuggles, love, and cat naps. now you are walking, you have one tooth, and you are so independent. we sleep most of every night. we still survive on snuggles and love but we also have fun. we play and laugh and tickle and eat. I feel more confident in my ability as your mom. I don’t second guess every decision I make like I once did.

we still have so much growing to do. I still get frustrated and short-tempered. and you will learn to run in days I’m sure, among other things. the best part is we will continue to grow and learn together.

on the day you were born I had hopes and dreams for your fist year. your first year was so much better than I hoped or dreamed. on your birthday I have hopes and dreams for this next year. but more than anything I hope we continue to survive on snuggles and love, I hope we grow together and play together.

this past year has been my favorite year. I love being your mommy. I love you. I love our family and I love our life.

Love,
Mommy

Merry Christmas

We woke at 4:30 this morning and while I was hoping for a few more years before the excitement of Christmas woke us quite that early, I didn’t mind. Much. Cora was able to fall back asleep around 5:30 and so was J but I’m wide awake. Counting all my blessings. It’s quiet and dark and the sound of Cora’s white noise machine is soothing. There are 3 stockings hung by the chimney with care. And Santa has been here while we slept. I have always loved Christmas but there is something extra magical about this first Christmas as a mom. Something surreal and wonderful. I will be spending the day wrapped in peace, love, and joy. Christ was born in Bethlehem and I will celebrate Him with my tiny babe. I wish the same for you and your family. Merry Christmas to all. With love from the Ds.

my favorite time of day

it’s early and still dark outside but I am dressed and ready for work. I sneak into your room with a warm bottle. as much as I try not to wake you, you do, and you sit up and lift your arms to me. I pick up your warm, sleepy body and cuddle you. we sit in the rocking chair while I feed you your first bottle of the day. you look at me with sleepy eyes that are full of trust and the weight of your tiny body in my arms reminds me of why I do everything I do. it’s all for you. it’s my favorite time of day.

it’s the end of my workday and my heart races a little. it’s time to go pick you up from daycare. it’s my favorite time of day.

I arrive at your daycare and you see me walk through the door. you make a sound of delight and race over to me, crawling as fast as you can and sometimes tripping over yourself. I pick you up and you laugh and bounce and give me a hug. it’s my favorite time of day.

it’s evening and we are living life: feeding you dinner, playing with you, cooking and eating our own dinner, bath time. you have added so much to our life. you make it more fun, more hectic, more messy, and totally worth it. it’s my favorite time of day.

it’s bedtime and you are in your cozy footy pajamas. you are holding onto your lovey, and I am holding on to you. I rock you and sing our special lullaby. you look at me with those same sleepy, trusting eyes you did this morning. I linger, not wanting to lay you down in your crib, but knowing I have to. I kiss your little forehead and tuck you in. it’s my favorite time of day.

it’s the middle of the night and something has woken you from your sleep. you are cranky and crying. I am so tired I can barely see but I stumble into the nursery to pick you up and comfort you. we rock and I rub your back. you drift back to sleep and again I linger. not wanting to put you down, but knowing I need to go back to bed myself.  It’s my favorite time of day.